Time at home alone is all it took. Huge session. Until 10 am. Spent most of yesterday feeling really really down and in bed. Called in sick. Fucked it up. 1 month without and fucked it up again.

Why did I fuck it up? I don't know but I did. In fact I think I was planning it subconsciously. But it wasn't fun at all, I was bored, paranoid wired, and tired. I spent too much money. this stuff is evil. Its not great, its the thought of it that's great.

So... what to do.. The same thing I did last time I fucked up.. start again. And since we're approaching New Year's, it is a appropriate to begin a new fresh blog somewhere free from the Daily Number reminder of my addiction.

This blog has been extremely helpful in journaling my state of mind and I thank everyone who sent in comments and support. I am sure I'm going to stop this time around and I'm actually quite excited at the thought of the days ahead.

Is this a sad ending to this blog? I'm not sure that it is. It shows you that a crooked line is still a line (no pun intended) and takes you in a determined direction even though it may take more time. I have also discopvered that I like blogging a lot, and want to take it to the next level, but I don't want it to be just about this filthy habit of mine. There's a lot more to me than this crap.

I know I'm going to beat this - and I'm determined this next time - not calling it attempt - will be my last.I have learnt a lot about myself and the nature of this thing which gives me a lot of confidence in saying this.

I'm going for a total life change experience. I don't want to sound too (or even a bit) New Age, but I have come to the conclusion that you cannot treat the symptoms of stuff.

If anyone wants to stay in touch on my next blog when it starts, please email me and I will send you the URL.

Wish everyone a Happy New Year
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